In this post, I’ll show you how to improve your writing by trimming unnecessary prepositional phrases.
Prepositional phrases are so common that it can be difficult to notice when they’ve been overused. In fact, it’s easy to string a whole bunch of them together, creating what Martha Kolln calls proliferating prepositional phrases.
Here’s an example from the University of Maryland, Baltimore Writing Center (the prepositional phrases appear in blue and orange font):
The reason for the payment of the tuition by the students of the school by the first of the month is that it ensures an on-time deposit of the money into the bank account of the headmaster.
Okay, I admit this example is hyperbolic, but the next example shows you something you’re more likely to run into:
The proposal for hiring is under review by the chair of the department.
We’ll look at how to make the two sentences above more concise in a moment. First, here are 5 useful strategies for editing prepositional phrases.
1. Just delete the whole thing
Sometimes a prepositional phrase creates redundancy. In such cases, you can cut out the entire phrase.
Original: At his new job, James tried to make a good first impression on his coworkers and boss.
Revised: At his new job, James tried to make a good first impression.
If Jame is trying to make a good impression on his first day of work, we can assume that he intends to make the impression on his coworkers and boss. Additionally, we would assume that this sentence is part of a larger piece and that additional sentences would describe Jame’s actions in more detail, clarifying his intended audiences. Therefore, the prepositional phrase is redundant.
But eliminating redundancy isn’t the only benefit we get in this example. By chopping off the prepositional phrase, we are able to achieve a rhetorical effect called end focus. The original sentence places more emphasis on coworkers and boss because they appear at the end of the sentence (this would make sense if the writer’s purpose is to elaborate on these people.) But since the writer’s focus is on James, it makes more sense to keep the end focus on James and his first impression.
2. Kill Zombie Nouns
Zombie nouns emerge when a verb or adjective transforms into a noun. For example, consider becomes consideration. This process is called nominalization, and it is often accompanied by a preposition. These constructions are ripe for revision. Here are some examples:
Original: I’ll put your proposal under consideration.
Revised: I’ll consider your proposal.
Original: She is placing the investigation in suspense due to lack of funds.
Revised: She is suspending the investigation due to lack of funds.
3. Use stronger verbs and adverbs
You can make your writing clearer, and often more forceful, by editing prepositional phrases that function as adverbs. In many cases, you can replace the prepositional (adverbial) phrase with a single, precise verb.
Original: The building shook with great force.
Revised: The building trembled.
The revised sentence is more concise and has a stronger verb.
4. Replace certain of–phrases with genitive case
Genitive case is used to show possession.
Original: The employees of the company walked out.
Revised: The company‘s employees walked out.
Original: This is the best album of the year.
Revised: This is the year‘s best album.
The difference is slight, but when aiming for conciseness, every word counts.
5. Use active voice.
You can also trim propositional phrases by using active voice.
Passive voice: The class was dismissed by the principal.
Active voice: The principal dismissed the class.
Passive voice: My car was stolen by my brother.
Active voice: My brother stole my car.
In both examples, the first sentence is trimmed from seven words to two. Additionally, the second sentences use stronger verbs and are more direct.
Conclusion
Let’s return to the examples at the top of the post. Here’s how I would revise the first sentence:
Original: The proposal for hiring is under review by the chair of the department.
Revised: The department chair is reviewing the hiring proposal.
Thirteen words down to eight.
As for the Frankenstein sentence from the UMB Writing Center, take a look at the video below to see how Clancy Clawson trims the prepositional phrase:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=36&v=i68XtACWWwM