You can make a big step toward better writing by understanding how and when to edit nominalizations.
Nominalizations, or what Helen Sword calls zombie nouns, occur when a word that is not a noun (usually a verb or an adjective) is made to act like one by changing its form.
Let’s see some examples:
The verb decide becomes the noun decision.
Assert becomes assertion.
The adjective happy becomes the noun happiness.
Brilliant becomes brilliance.
When to Avoid Nominalizations
First off, nominalizations are actually quite useful and common. Excessive nominalizations, however, create a noun-heavy style, robbing sentences of movement and energy. Nominalizations can also hide the agent or doer of the action in a sentence—hence the term zombie nouns.
Examples of Sentences Containing Nominalizations
Late submission of the paperwork can lead to a denial of your application.
Submission and denial are the zombie nouns here. We do not know who the actors are. Who will be denying the application? Who might be submitting the late paperwork? (Is it the person being addressed, or is it a third party?)
These nominalizations not only cause confusion about who the actors are, but also deprive the sentence of energy and movement, taking the important actions of the sentence (submitting and denying) and replacing them with can lead. The verb pair can lead in this context is weaker, but more importantly, it clouds the main action for the reader.
Possible revision
If you submit your paperwork late, we may deny your application.
Here, the main verb of the sentence is deny, and the verb in the subordinate clause is submit. The verbs of the sentence are now aligned with its most important actions. We see more clearly what is happening, or in this case, what might happen.
We also see clearly who the actors are. They come out of hiding, revealing important distinctions.
Take a look at a second possible revision:
If your attorney submits the paperwork late, we may deny your application.
Here, the attorney is responsible for submitting the paperwork.
When we extract the action from a nominalization, we must reexamine the subject of that action to ensure our sentence says what we mean. The two revisions above show how small changes can create different meanings for the reader. In the first revision, the reader’s concern is to submit the paperwork himself. In the second, the reader’s concern is to make sure the attorney submits the paperwork—two different sets of expectations. This distinction is lost in the original, zombie version.
When Is It Okay to Use Nominalizations
In the prior example, we didn’t revise the nominalization application—it’s neither necessary nor prudent to revise every nominzalization we see.
Nominalizations that are common and familiar to your readers are usually fine:
Application
Election
Illustration
Example
The graphic artist donated his illustrations to charity.
Compared to the clumsier,
The graphic artist donated what he illustrated to charity.
Nominalizations that serve as objects to verbs are usually fine as well:
The company accepted John’s resignation.
Compared to the wordier,
The company accepted the fact that John resigned.
Additional Examples and Revisions
Original
The supervisor made a determination that her employees would stagger their lunch breaks.
Revision
The supervisor determined that her employees would stagger their lunch breaks.
Original
Pete’s conclusion was that employee resignations within the company were due to low compensation.
Revision
Pete concluded that employees resigned because the company compensated them poorly.